Navigating Awkward Questions: Talking to Children About Gender Differences and Relationships
As parents, there may come a time when your child starts asking questions about gender differences or relationships, and it’s completely normal for this to feel a bit awkward. These conversations are an important part of raising confident, informed, and trusting children. In this blog, I’ll share some strategies to help parents navigate these discussions with honesty, sensitivity, and age-appropriateness.
It’s Okay to Feel Awkward – But Don’t Overreact
First and foremost, it’s important to stay calm when your child asks about these topics. Overreacting or dismissing their questions might make them feel ashamed or hesitant to come to you in the future. It’s okay to take a deep breath and remind yourself that curiosity is natural, and your response shapes their understanding.
- Tip: If you’re caught off guard, try saying, “That’s a great question! Let me think about the best way to explain it, and we can talk about it soon.” This buys you time to prepare an age-appropriate response.
Be Honest, But Keep It Age-Appropriate
Children need accurate information, but it’s equally important to tailor your explanation to their developmental stage. Providing too much detail too soon can be overwhelming and confusing.
Here’s a simple age-based guide to help you:
Preschoolers (Ages 3–5)
At this age, children are curious about their bodies and differences between boys and girls.
- What to Say: Use simple language. For example, “Boys and girls have different bodies. Boys usually have a penis, and girls usually have a vagina. That’s how our bodies are made.”
- Key Message: Focus on teaching the correct names for body parts and normalising their curiosity.
Early Primary (Ages 6–8)
Children begin to notice and ask more detailed questions about how babies are made or relationships.
- What to Say: Provide basic information without going into unnecessary detail. For example, “A baby grows in a special place inside a mum’s body called the uterus. To make a baby, it takes a part from a mum and a dad.”
- Key Message: Emphasise the idea of love, family, and relationships being important in creating life.
Older Primary (Ages 9–12)
This is the age when children may hear about more mature topics from friends, media, or school.
- What to Say: Be prepared to discuss puberty, gender identity, and relationships in an honest and factual way. For example, “When you grow up, your body changes so you can become an adult. Relationships between people are about respect, love, and partnership.”
- Key Message: Talk openly about respecting boundaries and understanding emotions.
Teenagers (Ages 13+)
Teens may want to dive deeper into conversations about sexuality, gender identity, and relationships.
- What to Say: Engage in open discussions and listen to their thoughts. For example, “It’s normal to have questions about relationships and your identity. Let’s talk about what you’ve heard and how you’re feeling.”
- Key Message: Foster trust by being a safe, non-judgmental resource.
Create a Safe Environment for Open Dialogue
One of the most important things you can do is create an environment where your child feels safe to ask questions without fear of judgment.
- How to Do It:
- Start conversations early and keep them ongoing.
- Use everyday moments (like watching a TV show) as opportunities to discuss values and relationships.
- Reassure your child that their questions are normal and that you’re always there to talk.
Focus on What’s Appropriate – Not Everything They Want to Know
While it’s important to be honest, you don’t need to share every detail. Tailor your response to the question asked and avoid overwhelming your child with information meant for adults.
- Example: If your young child asks, “Where do babies come from?” a simple answer like, “Babies grow in a mum’s tummy” is enough. Save more detailed explanations for when they’re older.
Why Honesty Matters
Children are naturally curious about their bodies and the world around them. If you avoid or lie about these topics, they may turn to less reliable sources, such as peers or the internet. This could lead to misinformation or confusion. Being their go-to resource ensures they receive accurate, age-appropriate information while building trust.
Final Thoughts
Talking about gender differences and relationships doesn’t have to be intimidating. By staying calm, being honest, and using age-appropriate language, you can turn these moments into valuable teaching opportunities. Remember, your goal isn’t just to answer their questions but to build a foundation of trust, respect, and open communication that will last a lifetime.
If you’re unsure where to start, remember: It’s okay to take a moment to prepare. Your child doesn’t need all the answers immediately—they just need to know you’re there for them.
